Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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