She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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