i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
