Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
