I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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