He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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