Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You ate ashes out of my bong
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
