hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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