He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
