Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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