Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
