gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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