Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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