i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
