It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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