Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
