i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
