Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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