My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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