you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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