take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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