I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
