Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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