Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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