Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I could fuck to npr.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
