Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
