I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
