Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
