soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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