I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
