Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
