your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
