So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
