a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Randomize
