i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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