I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
