hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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