we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
