Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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