There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
