I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
