i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
