I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
