How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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