I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
