I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
