i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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