I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
