I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
tell me about the fingering
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