I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Congratulations! We have a period
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