im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
