Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
