The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
