I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
