you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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