i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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