if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
